There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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