So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
