eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
