worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You pole danced in your parka.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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