I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
