Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
