there was a trapeze. enough said
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
