No stitches, just platelets and will power
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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