Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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