The maid of honor just puked.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I enjoy the company of your penis
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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