paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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