i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
