I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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