i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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