yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
