Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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