I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
