dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
