Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
