please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
