how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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