he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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