It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
