I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
