Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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