I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
