a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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