Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize