Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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