Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
