i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
