and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
