it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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