I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
