I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
