Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
