People in love make me want to vomit
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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