I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
