It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
