If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
