I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize