that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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