Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
don't judge my taste in strippers
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
