She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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