I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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