I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize