I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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