did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize