I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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