I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize