I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
