I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
