There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
