She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i drank out of a bidet.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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