My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
