i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
