I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
