I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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