My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
