I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
