anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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