Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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