I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
