My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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