So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
my shit smells like andre
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
