I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
