If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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